All right, I've had time to decompress, process, and gather my thoughts. There was a week of bottomless lows, stratospheric highs, and nothing really in between. There were performances all about that bass low, that wailing guitar high, and lots of in between. I know everybody’s dying to hear The Girl’s summary of Music’s Biggest Night (and even if you aren't, here you are reading it, right?) so heeeeeere we go.
First, let’s get that dress issue out of the way. Overconfident as I was from six months of boot camp, I waited til 48 hours before takeoff to slip into it before I packed it into the suitcase. Let’s sum up: “Slip into it” became “squeeze, squoosh, jiggle, pinch, wiggle, suck, and exhale buckets of air into it” and I still looked like three or four pigs fighting under a blanket.
|"Didn't she use us in an earlier bit?" "Yes, but it's still funny."|
Hey! We made it to the red carpet! Sophomore Year goal=in the bag.
|There are no words.|
|"I'm just glad I'm getting more press than Madonna's bottom."|
|Spoiler alert: The wall-o-guitar amps weren't actually plugged in.|
|Apparently Sam Smith's hair stylist texted him: "Don't you DARE mess up my masterpiece."|
Then Ariana Grande sang something about pieces of something? I admit to not knowing the song or even really much about the artist...but wow, that chick can sing. And kudos to her for doing what every single person who is on that stage SHOULD do: finishing the performance with a completely overwhelmed moment that clearly albeit silently said “I can NOT believe I’m on this stage.” I appreciate you appreciating it, Ariana.
|Humbleness. An appreciated quality.|
So Pharrell won best vocal performance for the live version of “Happy”- and pretty much everybody was happy.
|Even the minions were surprised that the song debuted on their soundtrack.|
|Let's use... a big, freaking red fan. No one will expect that.|
Here’s where Sam Smith won best pop album. Fine.
|"Oh, where shall I put all these?"|
Because then Madonna sang something. It was called an Illuminati Orgy by many media outlets. I call it pretty freakin’ MADONNA and I sorta didn't care if she ripped the rest of her dress off a’la Janet and played a thumb war with one of her little four-legged minions. It was MADONNA and I GOT TO SEE HER. My eight-year-old self checked something off her bucket list and y’all can form your own opinions. IT WAS MADONNA. AND WORTH IT.
|Not too shabby for 56|
Whoops, I wasn't going to insert my own opinions about awards. That last opinion wasn't about the award but about Beyoncé, who should probably get a refresher on Hooked on Phonics before she complains about not getting an award. Jeez.
Oh look, and now Beyoncé won best R&B performance. You’d think this would satisfy the internet, but alas,they continue to ride their surfborts into the waters of hatred of all things good music.
So, Ed Sheeran and John Mayer appeared to save the day. They did a respectable job of turning things around but probably only because they pulled ELO out of their back pockets and the room, at least, forgave the rest of the music “lovers” for their Bey worship and enjoyed a lovely moment. This was pretty great, people.
|John: "For all of the Taylor Swift songwriting fans: You're welcome."|
|"Want to sing at the Grammys?" "Sure, why not?"|
This is getting long, eh? I think I should throw down some quick one-word reactions for the next few bits:
Miranda Lambert winning best country album- sure!
Pharrell and that piano dude and Hans Zimmer and the Bellhops Tour de Feet o’ Flames- happy!
Domestic violence PSA- uhhhh…
Katy Perry- wow.
Tony Bennett and his overdressed Personal Health Aide, I mean, Lady Gaga. Underwhelming, but amazing. In reverse order, and I know I said one word summaries but I really feel like I should give each of them their own word. Because I don’t want anyone thinking I’m giving Lady G an “amazing” rating, but Tony deserves it.
|"I love my job."|
Eric Church/Brandy Clark/Dwight Yoakum- (sorry everyone) forgettable. Literally. I can’t remember anything about any of them… But, I did sorta have to pee by this time so I was a little distracted.
Rihanna, Kanye, and Paul McCartney- it’s almost like someone took a musician lottery, threw the names in a Yahtzee cup, and created this collaboration. But it worked. Really, it did. It was honestly really great.
Here’s where I really had to pee so the next bits were a blur of things that included:
Somebody I don’t remember
Weird dancers and some white-haired chick singing in the corner.
|I can't make this up, people.|
Oh look, Sam Smith again.
A dude who had a lot to say and I’m sure it was important but my potty dance is starting to get funny looks.
The "In Memoriam"- UM, WHERE WAS JOAN RIVERS, WHO PREVIOUSLY IN THE AFTERNOON ACTUALLY WON A GRAMMY?!?!?!
And literally the most over-hyped, underwhelming, disappointing close to an awards show ever. And not just because I had to pee, but because it just...was. Sorry, John. Shouldn’t have hitched your wagon to Beyonce’s bum, er...star (see above, shoulda asked Miranda if she’d make an exception for you to hop on her little red wagon. The show would have ended with a lot fewer raised eyebrows).
So, you want to know what I really thought of the whole thing?
It was great.
No question, it was an amazing night, an amazing lineup, and it absolutely delivered. Personal preferences aside, some really talented people got together and put on a pretty fabulous show. I have been asked many times over the last two weeks what I thought “the best part” was, and I have a hands-down opinion on that one that I alluded to earlier: AC/DC wins. No one over the course of the evening was able to bring the audience back to the level that they opened the show with. Annie Lennox was a close second, but the night was for the Young. Angus Young, that is. And despite some controversy that surrounded this performance, as a musician and a music lover I’m giving this one to the old dudes. I hope the batteries in my horns hold out til next year, and I can’t wait to see what 2016 brings to try to top this show!
...And now, I think I’ll go eat a salad. Have to fit into another dress in 11 months, after all.
The BentBeat Team
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